Friday, 27 May 2011

Too Free on a Friday - by Octdad

Hooray! It's Friday! It's the next best day of the week besides Saturday and sometimes Sunday. Sunday do not actually qualify as a terrific day as the dreaded monday bluez will sometimes crept in earlier unannounced. Friday is different. One wakes up feeling happier, there's a spring in everyone footstep, the air smells fresher, sunshine lovelier, we are all so ready to tackle the world's major issues and to save the environment due to the fact that if it seems too tiring/tedious/troublesome a task, there's always the weekend to give our tiring bodies,mind and soul a good rest. This is probably why people called it TGIF(plse don't quote me). Contrary to popular belief, I think this should be the day with the highest productivity attained throughout the whole week. Heck, it even inspired me to write a long post filled with senseless stuff instead of photo blogging as usual so please bear with me.   

Now I've been toying with the idea of expressing my thoughts and pinning down my wisdom of advice for the little fella through blogging for quite a while but seriously its easier said than done. More often than not, I find myself literally tongue-tied and loss for words in terms of expressing myself. In typical Singaporean language, my England is not that Powderful enough... But today being Friday, heck i thought of giving it a try and see where it leads me to. Yes, this is also why I like Fridays. It gives you the extra boost to try something different.

So little fella, daddy's first lesson to you will be the all important differences between a Man(daddy and yourself) and a Woman(mummy). In case you are confuse, its the same with boy/girl, male/female, guy/lady etc. Its not rocket science and everyone should more or less know about the differences but its in the little details, yes details my dear son, that you will have to pay more attention. You know son, papa runs the risk of "offending" mama, and perhaps will have to sleep on the couch for the next two days, in order to explain these differences to you so papa really hope that it's worth all the sacrifices... ..   

For a start, you are a boy so that classify you to be in the same group as papa whereas mama is a girl (sounds younger in comparison to woman, better score some points here first) While you might already know that there is a difference between mummy and daddy, besides the apparent physical appearances, what you might not know is that sometimes we can think and behave very differently on certain issues. This is an area where you will need to wise up and apply yourself accordingly, some (not all) of the examples are as followed:

1. The Telephone

Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to relay information to other people and will normally end the call within five minutes. A woman can be out shopping with her girl friends for ten hours, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk again for the next three hours. Somehow its different and they Have to be on the phone with each other. (Well, I must say that while this is true for daddy, it differs a little for mummy. She can pretty much survive without a telephone, as in actually talking to another person, but not without her handphone for internet surfing, face-booking, whatsapp-ing, online shopping etc)

2. Bathrooms

A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, soap and a towel. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 468. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. (To be fair this is greatly exaggerated, mummy probably only has 246 items  =p)

3. Going out  

When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup, look in the mirror for the twentieth time... (Nail it on the spot!)

 4. Mirrors

Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface--mirrors, spoons, store windows, handphones, toasters....

5. Money 

A man will pay $10 for a $5 item he needs.
A woman will pay $5 for a $10 item that she doesn't need, because it's on sale.

Next up is the classic and should you happen to forget the rest, fear not, just knowing this will put you in good stead:
6. The Real Definition of Words When Used By Women  
1.    Fine - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up.  
2.    That's Okay - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you'll pay for your mistake.  
3.    Nothing - The calm before the storm. This means "Something" and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine" (See #1).
4.    Five Minutes - If getting dressed, this means half an hour. (Don't be mad about this. It's the same definition for men when it's our turn to do some chores around the house.)
5.    Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not question this or faint. Just say, "You're welcome," and let it go.  
6.    Loud Sigh - Not actually a word but rather a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is standing here wasting her time arguing with you about "Nothing." (See #3)  
7.    Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!)  
8.    Don't worry about it, I got it - The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. It means that a woman has asked a man several times to do something and is now doing it herself. (This will result in you asking at a later date, "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, see #3.)

And now for some damage control. Before mummy starts to chase daddy out of the house, daddy shall, as any old wise guru (not that daddy is really that old) will do, leave you with the following quote that involves both a man and woman in it:
“Woman was taken out of man; not out of his head to top him, nor out of his feet to be trampled underfoot; but out of his side to be equal to him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved”  - author unknown.

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